You know that feeling you get when you finally defeat the Elite Four in Pokemon? You can still play the game, but it just doesn’t feel the same.
Having a full pokedex sure is achievement, but hey, nobody really wants to catch them all.
On a related note… Work on Saturdays majorly sucks ass.
At the end of 5 weeks of sleepless nights, falling asleep on my laptop, rushing to Sembawang from everywhere, making time and faking time, argument, scolding and getting scolded. Taking and giving pressure.
Who can live an ordinary life and expect extraordinary results?
I recently discovered that on the whole, I wake up between 6 to 7 am regardless of what time I sleep; 10pm, 11pm, 12mn, 1am, 2am.
The possible applications of this knowledge are twofold:
Ball in my court.
…to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it… —
(HD - get it get it get the pun?)
drawing from the little notebook
So today I hit the shop before 8 to do some accounting work before Nora and Fam arrived at 9. CCTV man came to repair our hard disk, Mdm S came to do cleaning work, POS guys came to do the final system setup. Otherwise, we spent all day doing merchandize arrangement and I juggled emails and calls to and from the Bosses, our contractor, and 1 irate showman who seems intent on making my life difficult. Yes I’m talking about yew. We left the shop close to 7 and in rain and traffic dad drove me down to evening prayer while I whatsapped frantically, looking for last minute SMU interview tips. (It’s in 7 hrs time). Arrived late but once the prayer was over, I arranged some sub-scene rehearsals for Good Friday and headed for leaders meeting. Quick ride home and an express photocopy job of documents required at the interview, frantic googling on current (legal) affairs, quick rough draft for CAAS scholarship application, bedtime.
I may struggle and I may suffer. And I may subject my friends, family, blog readers, to immense amounts of complaining, due or undue.
But every night I go to bed (more like morning these days, it’s now 1:21am) and think “tomorrow’s the big day”. And every morning I wake up at 6 and think “today’s the big day”.The Life.
I think this is it.
So the first pay of my first ever real job came in yesterday. Maybe I’m just being greedy but I can’t say I feel remotely compensated for the stress and sleeplessness of the past month. Don’t even know why I do these things to myself.
Kind of feel like I’m ploughing, ploughing through an unseeable fog. And there’s a term for the “it gets better” mentality: Blind Faith.
Psalm 25, Prayer for guidance and protection -
1 (A Psalm of David.) Unto thee, O LORD, do I lift up my soul.
2 O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me.
3 Yea, let none that wait on thee be ashamed: let them be ashamed which transgress without cause.
4 Shew me thy ways, O LORD; teach me thy…