is it so wrong
to want rewarding
to want more
than is given to you
LITTLE TERN
new favorite bird
“Me (23/5 7:03 PM): Ok, so here’s the situation. Let me tell you what i had to do to be able to even make it tonight. I was originally on duty today but i went and made arrangements to swap it with tmr’s duty officer so i could come out of camp today. Consequently, i will be on duty tomorrow, on my father’s birthday, so i don’t know if he’s even going to have a birthday dinner. I’ll have to travel 42km from Changi on Thursday morning to go to SAFTI, when i could have gone home on Wednesday night for family dinner, and gotten a ride 3/4 of the way to SAFTI on Thursday morning. To top that, new instructions from Battalion HQ say we’re supposed to book in by 9:30pm today, so even though it’s likely that nobody of a higher rank than me will know if i don’t turn up on time, i will be outrightly breaking rules for the first time in my life as an NSF. Right now i am on the MRT passing Kembangan, wishing i had never swapped my duty in the first place. And, to be completely honest, even now i am thinking about just turning around and going back, to save myself the agony of travelling and the suspense of wondering if i’m going to be punished.”
Yesterday was a day of conundrums and impasses, ambivalence and indecision. The paradox of choice is that you will always think about the green, green grass on the other side.
Putting the responsibility of decision-making into the hands of someone else can really be a relief sometimes, and i guess that’s what friends are for. When you trust a friend with your life it means more than letting them drive you around in their car; it means that you’re willing to let them have a say in important decisions that affect you deeply.
That said, i think i need to start trusting myself with decisions that matter; enough of cruising along wherever the tide takes me. Responsibility is a weird thing.
What a good day it has been
how long
how long
how long
She can go before she burns away
Found this in my drafts, and i thought it was pretty poignant:
“I have an interview tomorrow for NUS Law, which is pretty damn incredible with my 11 units, no H3 subjects, 2 Bs and an E. I should be happy, and i should be preparing.
Instead, i spent the week busying myself with non-urgent work and applied myself to it thoroughly, just so i would be busy and not have time to think about the interview.
I’m really conflicted, even right now, because i need to write something for the Professors talking about why i want to read law, while, to the best of my knowledge, i don’t even know if i do or not.”
Something to think about.
and if young Nigel says he's happy
he must be happy
he must be happy
he must be happy in his work
Adrianne Ho shot by Ryan Kibler.
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